The Patriarchy is Failing Men: How Toxic Masculinity is a Cage, Not a Crown

The system that oppresses women also shackles men. It’s time to break free. 

The patriarchy isn’t just a weapon used against women - it’s a system that suffocates men, forcing them into rigid roles that prioritise dominance over emotional well-being, aggression over empathy, and power over personal freedom. Toxic masculinity, a direct byproduct of patriarchal expectations, teaches men that vulnerability is weakness, that seeking help is failure, and that their worth is measured by their ability to dominate, earn, and suppress their emotions. This culture is killing men - literally.

Suicide rates among men are alarmingly high, with the World Health Organisation (2021) reporting that men die by suicide at nearly twice the rate of women worldwide. In the U.S., the CDC (2022) confirms that men make up 79% of all suicides. These numbers expose a grim reality: the rigid ideals of masculinity aren’t just outdated; they’re deadly. But this is just the beginning of how the patriarchy betrays the very men it claims to uplift.

The Emotional Repression Epidemic

Men are conditioned from childhood to suppress their emotions. "Boys don’t cry" is not just a phrase - it’s a warning. Society tells men that showing vulnerability makes them weak, which leads to severe emotional suppression, increased stress, and higher rates of mental health disorders. Studies published in the American Journal of Men’s Health (Mahalik et al., 2019) reveal that men who conform to traditional masculinity norms are significantly less likely to seek mental health support, fearing judgment or being perceived as less manly.

This stigma around emotional expression doesn’t just harm individual men; it damages relationships, families, and communities. When men are not given the tools to process their emotions healthily, they resort to anger, isolation, or substance abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (2022) states that men are more likely than women to engage in risky substance use behaviors, often as a coping mechanism for unaddressed emotional pain.

Workplace Pressures and the ‘Provider’ Myth

The pressure for men to be the primary breadwinners is another way the patriarchy tightens its grip. The traditional male role dictates that a man's worth is directly tied to his financial success, leaving many men feeling inadequate if they fail to meet these unrealistic expectations. This is particularly damaging in a rapidly changing economy where job security is declining and dual-income households are the norm.

According to the Pew Research Center (2023), over 50% of American families rely on dual incomes, yet societal expectations still place the financial burden squarely on men’s shoulders. In Japan, where rigid gender roles are still deeply ingrained, men experience some of the highest rates of workplace stress and overwork-related deaths, known as “karoshi” (Fujimoto et al., 2020). The patriarchy’s demand for men to define themselves solely by their ability to earn is not only outdated but also life-threatening.

Fatherhood and the Stolen Right to Nurture

Fatherhood under the patriarchy is rigid and transactional—men are expected to be providers first, disciplinarians second, and nurturers last. This outdated framework denies fathers the full spectrum of parenting experiences and emotionally distances them from their children. Studies from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child (2021) show that children with emotionally engaged fathers perform better academically, have higher self-esteem, and are less likely to engage in risky behaviours.

Yet, men who express a desire to be stay-at-home dads or take paternity leave often face ridicule. According to the International Labour Organisation (2022), only 40% of countries offer paid paternity leave, with the U.S. being one of the few industrialised nations without guaranteed paid leave for fathers. The stigma surrounding paternal involvement not only limits men’s ability to bond with their children but also reinforces the harmful notion that caregiving is inherently female.

Male Victimhood and the Culture of Silence

One of the most insidious aspects of patriarchy is how it silences male victims of abuse and sexual violence. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (2021), 1 in 6 men in the U.S. experiences sexual violence in their lifetime, yet male survivors often face skepticism, shame, or outright dismissal when they come forward. The toxic belief that men cannot be victims or that seeking help is emasculating leaves countless men suffering in silence.

This culture of silence extends to domestic violence as well. The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (2022) reports that male victims of domestic abuse are significantly underreported due to stigma and lack of resources. In many countries, shelters and legal protections are primarily designed for female victims, leaving abused men with few options. The patriarchy has conditioned society to see men as perpetrators but never as victims, further trapping them in cycles of suffering and isolation.

Breaking Free: Dismantling the System for Everyone’s Liberation

The patriarchy’s stranglehold on men is undeniable, but it is not unbreakable. To liberate men from the oppressive expectations of toxic masculinity, we must actively dismantle the very system that upholds it.

• Normalise Emotional Expression: It is crucial to encourage boys and men to express emotions without fear of judgment. Schools, workplaces, and the media must play a role in redefining what it means to “be a man.”

• Redefine Success: A man’s worth should not be solely tied to his income or ability to provide. We must challenge societal narratives that equate masculinity with financial dominance.

• Support Male Victims: Governments and organizations need to implement support systems for male survivors of abuse, ensuring that help is accessible and stigma-free.

• Encourage Parental Equality: Men deserve the right to be active, nurturing parents without societal backlash. Expanding paternity leave and normalizing involved fatherhood benefits everyone.

• Destroy the Silence: Men must be included in conversations about mental health, violence, and gender expectations. Silence only perpetuates suffering.

Patriarchy is the Enemy, Not Feminism

Feminism is often portrayed as an attack on men, but in reality, it is a movement dedicated to dismantling the very system that harms them. The patriarchy has long pitted men against women, convincing them that equality is a threat rather than a liberation. But the truth is simple: when we reject toxic masculinity, when we free men from the shackles of oppressive gender roles, everyone wins.

The real enemy is not feminism; it is the centuries-old system that dictates what men can and cannot be. It’s time for men to recognize that the fight for gender equality is also their fight—for their freedom, for their well-being, and for a future where they can be more than just providers, enforcers, or emotionless machines. The patriarchy is failing men. It’s time to tear it down.

 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Suicide is rising across the US. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts

Fujimoto, T., Shinohara, S., & Okubo, Y. (2020). Karoshi (death from overwork) in Japan: Historical and legal perspectives. Journal of Occupational Health, 62(1), e12118. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/13489585

Harvard Center on the Developing Child. (2021). The impact of father involvement on child development. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu

International Labour Organization. (2022). Paternity and parental leave policies across the globe. Retrieved from https://www.ilo.org/global/publications

Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2019). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men's health behaviors. American Journal of Men’s Health, 13(3), 1557988319858376. Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/home/jmh

National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2022). Substance use and men: Trends and consequences. Retrieved from https://nida.nih.gov

National Sexual Violence Resource Center. (2021). Statistics on male sexual assault and violence. Retrieved from https://www.nsvrc.org

Pew Research Center. (2023). The evolution of gender roles in household incomes. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org

United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime. (2022). The prevalence of domestic abuse among male victims: A global perspective. Retrieved from https://www.unodc.org

World Health Organisztion. (2021). Suicide worldwide in 2021: Global health estimates. Retrieved from https://www.who.int/publications

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