The Blame Game

When harassment happens, most of us imagine the response should be simple: protect the person harmed, call out the inappropriate behaviour and take steps to stop it. But in many realities, something very different often unfolds. Instead of support, survivors find themselves trapped.

It's a cruel reversal. Instead of asking, “Why did someone choose to harass?” people ask, “Why didn't you [the victim] stop it?” The questions come in fast and sharp:

“What were you wearing?”

“Why were you there?”

“Did you lead them on?”

Suddenly, the person who endured the harm becomes the one under suspicion. The harasser fades out of view, and the victim is left standing in the spotlight, forced to defend themselves for something they NEVER asked for.

Why Victim Blaming is so damaging

Victim-Blaming doesn't just sting at the moment. It has long-lasting consequences. When people are blamed for what happened to them, they are far less likely to speak out again. Instead of feeling supported, they carry the weight of shame and silence.

The silence is exactly what allows harassment to continue. If no one reports it, NOTHING changes. The harassers are free to repeat their behaviour and a dangerous message spreads: if you are harmed, don't expect help - expect blame.

The blame game, then, isn't just unfair. It actively protects the wrong people. It shields harassers while punishing the survivors, leaving schools, workplaces, and communities less safe for everyone.

Why do people blame victims?

It's easy to wonder why victim blaming happens at all. Why would anyone turn against someone who's already hurting? People want to believe the world is fair. If something bad happens, they would rather think the victim did something to cause it rather than admit that harm can strike anyone, anywhere, at any time.

This thinking IS an illusion, but it's powerful. Blaming the victim lets bystanders feel safer– as if they can avoid harassment by simply making “better choices”. Of course this is false. Harassment is NEVER about the victim's choices. It is always about the perpetrator's decision to cause harm.

Another reason is misplaced empathy. When people focus on the perspective of the harasser, seeing them as “misunderstood” “stressed” or “just making a mistake”- they shift responsibility from the act itself. That misplaced sympathy lands like a heavy weight on the shoulder of the person harmed.

The Blame Game in Schools

Schools are supposed to be safe places, but harassment and bullying happen in plain sight. The way schools respond can either protect students or PUSH them further into silence.

Think of a student who reports being touched or teased in a way that made them uncomfortable. Instead of immediate support, they hear “Maybe he just likes you”. A student who cyberbullied may be told to “get off the Internet” instead of seeing the bully held accountable.

In each case, the message is clear: you are responsible for fixing this, not the person who harmed you. This not only isolates the victim but also signals to everyone else that harassment is tolerated, even normalized.

Online Harassment: Modern Blame, Same old Game

With social media and messaging apps, harassment has found a new group. Online spaces can be just as harmful as physical ones, but the response to the victims are just the same. People are told to block the harasser, change their privacy settings or stop posting. In other words: disappear.

But disappearing isn't a real solution. Students and young people live much of their lives online – for learning, for friendships, or for self-expression. Telling victims to leave the spaces simply rewards the harasser, while punishing the one who spoke out.

Why silence is SO dangerous

Perhaps the most harmful effect of the Blame Game is the silence it creates. When victims are blamed, others who witness the treatment take a note. They learn that if harassment happens to them, they will be judged. SO they stay quiet. 

This silence allows harassment to grow like a shadow that none talks about but everyone feels. Over time, silence becomes its own form of permission. And with permission, unsafe behaviour SPREADS

Breaking That Cycle

Ending the Blame Game isn't just about being nice - it's about being SAFE. Here's show change can happen;

• Believe survivors. The first response should be trust, not doubt.
• Hold perpetrators accountable. Actions MUST have consequences.
• Educate communities. Myths about harassment-that victims “ask for it” or “make it up”- must be challenged openly.
• Shift the focus. The Real question isn't about “what did the victim do wrong?” but “what did the HARASSER allow thinking this was OKAY?”

When shift happens, the culture changes. Survivors feel safe to speak up. Harassers know their behavior will be challenged. And safety stops being a fragile hope and becomes an expectation.

Final Word

The Blame Game may feel like a way to make sense of harassment, but in reality, it only makes things worse. It turns victims into villains, hides perpetrators from accountability, and undermines the safety of everyone.

EVERY TIME someone asks a survivor what they “should have done differently” the focus slips further from the truth: Harassment is always a choice of the person who causes it.

It's time to stop playing. Safety isn't built on SILENCE or Blame. It's built on Courage, accountability and the simple belief that no one deserves harassment – EVER.

DISCLAIMER:

This article has been written by a HASSL Ambassador as part of our community content initiative. While all ambassador contributions are reviewed for clarity, tone, and alignment with our values before publication, the views expressed are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the views or official position of HASSL.

These articles are intended to amplify personal perspectives, lived experiences, and knowledge from our wider community. They are not authored by the HASSL team, and HASSL does not claim ownership over the content.

Please note that the information provided is for general awareness and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as professional, medical, or legal advice. If you require support or guidance in any of these areas, we strongly recommend consulting a qualified professional.