Hyper-vigilance -The Anxiety Women Don’t Talk About. Why constantly scanning your surroundings isn’t paranoia - it’s conditioning.

Hyper-vigilance is an important skill all women possess, though no school teaches it. A curse we were generously gifted with, and a blessing we should never have to be thankful for.

Little girls are naturally being taught to read the room before they can read books. And women learn that safety isn’t a fundamental feeling, it’s a strategy. Even when relatively safe, we’re not safe enough, and our minds and bodies know. So we act upon it. Subconsciously. This is what’s known as hyper-vigilance.

Why is it such a big deal, though?

The concept of female hyper-vigilance has been overlooked for centuries. Not only did it take the world roughly 4,000 years to stop labelling women’s anxiety as hysteria (which was essentially just a dumping ground for any unexplained feelings and conditions related to women), it’s still actively being overlooked. Hypervigilance isn’t hysterical. It’s not dramatic. It’s not loud. It’s a silent rush of cortisol and adrenaline, the clenching of a fist, the scanning of a room and the choice of wearing trainers instead of high heels on a night out. Nobody can see it except her, yet she sees it all. There’s not a thing she doesn’t notice.

Today, hyper-vigilance is recognised as a symptom, not a diagnosis. The clinical variety of it is often seen in people who have experienced severe trauma, and it’s a central component of PTSD. Yet, when experienced by women on the daily, it’s hardly even acknowledged. The trauma response we’ve adopted becomes a little quirk of ours - we’re being persuaded into thinking it’s a personality thing, like we’re hyper aware of everything around us because we’re just that detail-oriented. Just that jumpy. Just that easily scared. Just that paranoid.

If you’re a woman yourself, you know what I’m talking about, and I want you to know that constantly being on edge is valid - you’re not being too sensitive, too careful or too dramatic. You’re not being paranoid either, although you’ve heard it dozens of times. You’re just aware of the statistical probability that something could happen to you.

And to everyone else, this is your chance to gain some insights about why hyper-vigilance will never be paranoia’s twin sister, and why comparing hyper-vigilance to paranoia is actively making the problem worse.

You’re being paranoid - calm down, you’re okay.’

We’ve all heard it before. And although it often comes from a place of love, this isn’t what we need to hear. Not only is it wrong and invalidating - we’re not paranoid - it’s also disregarding the fact that we’re tense for a reason. Hyper-vigilance is never excessive or unwarranted.

Now, here’s a quick side by side comparison of paranoia and hyper-vigilance:

Paranoia insists - hyper-vigilance suggests.
Paranoia is a monologue - hyper-vigilance is a dialogue.
Paranoia invents danger - hyper-vigilance remembers it.

Paranoia doesn’t wait for your opinion, it yells at you and tells you exactly what it wants to, and doesn’t leave any room for doubt. Paranoia is a pathological liar who makes up whatever it pleases if it means it’ll send you into absolute distress. Yep, every stranger in the room is definitely watching you and planning to follow you home.

Hyper-vigilance, on the other hand, isn’t a commander, it’s a tool. It’s a handy everything tool that gives you x-ray vision, supersonic hearing and the urge to share your location with a loved one every once in a while. You scan the room and look right through people, try to read their bodies and listen to their voices. They’re all strangers. They could all be nice and they could all be the opposite. You’re having fun, but you clutch your phone and sit on the edge of your chair, just in case. You’re not planning to leave, but you’ve already planned how you could.

If hyper-vigilance works, why get rid of it?

Don’t get me wrong, being hyper-vigilant isn’t a bad thing (although it most definitely does feel both overstimulating and terrifying when you’re forced to pay attention to it). In a way, hyper-vigilance is healthy, and it’s working. But that doesn’t mean it’s right.

Your alertness is your body’s way of adapting to a world that hasn’t earned your trust. You approach the world a bit more carefully than what’s strictly necessary all the time, because if you don’t, there’s a chance that you wind up in a situation where you should have. Which ultimately results in victim blaming. We don’t need another reason to feel guilty for being harassed.

As women, we’ve been told to think positively, breathe, try grounding exercises, whatever. Anything to stop being ‘irrationally nervous’. But I can assure you that thinking about sunshine and rainbows won’t make nighttime any less dark; breathing deeply won’t make the lump in our throats go away; and naming 5 things we can see, 4 things we can touch, 3 things we can hear, 2 things we can smell and 1 thing we can taste isn’t gonna make us less susceptible to assault. The same goes for every single girl of every single age out there. Repeating positive affirmations in the face of a stressful situation might help momentarily, but it doesn’t address the reason why the situation exists… Which is why we’re here to start tugging at the roots.

What can I do to help?

All of these methods we’re being taught are actively overlooking the problem. If anything, they’re making us more vulnerable by immobilising the instincts we’ve developed to stay safe. Society is ignoring the root cause and letting it wreak havoc over and over again while we’re teaching ourselves how to live with it - this doesn’t sit right with me, and certainly shouldn’t sit right with you either. So I hope you’re with us:

We need safer spaces. We need safer spaces, and safer people to exist in them. One of those safe people can be you, and one of those safe spaces can be yours.

Here’s what you can do:

• Communicate. This should be self-explanatory.
  
• Listen without judgment. Someone who’s hyper-vigilant is already awfully aware of how they’re feeling — incorrectly assuring them that they’re being paranoid isn’t helping anyone.
  
• Provide reassurance and validation. As opposed to paranoia, which isn’t necessarily grounded, hyper-vigilant observations are always based on reality. Validate these observations. Does someone seem uneasy about something? Keep an eye out. Observe what they’re uneasy about before you jump to any conclusions. Their gut is probably onto something, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
  
• Give them control of the situation. This can be done by letting them choose where to sit in a crowded room, for example.
  
• Educate yourself on the topic. Just a quick Google search or a conversation with a woman in your life might be enough to enlighten you a little more. However, if you want to go in-depth and you enjoy reading, Women and Madness (1972) by Phyllis Chesler is a good way to start. Trust me, it’s an eye opener.

The tips above are ways to make situations less stressful as they’re happening. However, the point isn’t to alleviate the stress caused by hyper-vigilance, it is to remove the instinctive need for hyper-vigilance altogether. We still have a long way to go, but from here on out, there will be no such thing as blaming ourselves for not being attentive enough when we’re paying attention to far too much.

Ladies and lads, let’s shift the narrative.

This stops with us.

Disclaimer:
This article has been written by a HASSL Ambassador as part of our community content initiative. While all ambassador contributions are reviewed for clarity, tone, and alignment with our values before publication, the views expressed are those of the individual author and do not necessarily reflect the views or official position of HASSL.

These articles are intended to amplify personal perspectives, lived experiences, and knowledge from our wider community. They are not authored by the HASSL team, and HASSL does not claim ownership over the content.

Please note that the information provided is for general awareness and educational purposes only. It should not be taken as professional, medical, or legal advice. If you require support or guidance in any of these areas, we strongly recommend consulting a qualified professional.